Myth #1: You’re either healed or unhealed.
Nope. Please, especially if you are new to healing or Somatic work of any kind, please stop saying this. I hear this a lot lately in my anti-racism circles and on social media; the healed or unhealed myth. That you’ve either done your work or you haven’t. Nope. Whether it's referencing white people doing the work to investigate their own racism or whether it's anyone doing their healing work of any kind… please stop saying that. It perpetuates harm and shame when we have expectations of ourselves and each other to heal faster. Supremacy culture teaches us to strive for perfection and subscribe to binaries (either/or frameworks), even in our deep personal healing journey. When we think we have “done our work” and then we cause harm again, where does that leave us? With a belief that I must not have just caused harm because I have done my work? Or a cascade of shame because I caused harm even though? It's like the belief that if I am a good person can’t be racist. Or if I have “healed” then I won’t get triggered or defensive anymore. Healing is a process, a spiral, a mountain, a rugged road with detours galore, not a linear experience. It's a lifelong adventure of continually healing and growing and having setbacks and exploring new ways of wrestling with ideas and experiences. Thinking you were “done” with something and then it rears it’s head. And if you know that there is no finish line, after a while you can just chuckle at yourself for thinking there was. What IS true is that we become more resilient, more able to respond to stressful situations with presence and voice and the appropriate ability to confront or leave a situation that is harmful. Including naming when you make a mistake.
Myth #2: Once you’re healed, you’ll be truly happy and free. The end.
Nope. There is no finish line to doing personal healing work or anti-racist work. The end. Haha. But there IS something to say for the ways that when we heal and recover from past traumas and when we have a community of care that we are part of to help us move through current pervasive social traumas, we ARE often able to have access to more joy, pleasure, receptivity, and giving. It’s just a myth that once I get to the finish line I will never have a hard time again. It's a 100% valid desire though, especially when you’ve been suffering for years on end and you really need some relief, like sometimes (especially with physical pain or chronic illness) when I imagine a finish line it actually helps me keep going. That particular strategy is not what I’m speaking to here though. Try not to subscribe to the myth because it’ll keep you seeking something that doesn’t exist and that can bring the belief that “If I am (however many decades) old and I’m still not there then I must be doing it wrong. Aaaand then more shame. Don’t take the bait! The systems of supremacy that mold us are not about supporting us in our healing.
#3: Healing is a beautiful, gentle experience lined with cupcakes and rainbows and in a few sessions/years, you’ll be good.
Nope. It’s hard and painful and confusing and beautiful and mind blowing and exhausting and there are so many rewards and also some setbacks. Messy, raw, joyful, scary, full of unknowns, and vulnerability- just like various kinds of birth. And yes, lots of rewards. This is one of those things that you can understand with your mind but until you get it in your body, it won’t really click. But also YES those cupcakes might start to feel like deep soul-nourishment and you realize those rainbows are actually coming from inside your soul :-)
Nope. Please, especially if you are new to healing or Somatic work of any kind, please stop saying this. I hear this a lot lately in my anti-racism circles and on social media; the healed or unhealed myth. That you’ve either done your work or you haven’t. Nope. Whether it's referencing white people doing the work to investigate their own racism or whether it's anyone doing their healing work of any kind… please stop saying that. It perpetuates harm and shame when we have expectations of ourselves and each other to heal faster. Supremacy culture teaches us to strive for perfection and subscribe to binaries (either/or frameworks), even in our deep personal healing journey. When we think we have “done our work” and then we cause harm again, where does that leave us? With a belief that I must not have just caused harm because I have done my work? Or a cascade of shame because I caused harm even though? It's like the belief that if I am a good person can’t be racist. Or if I have “healed” then I won’t get triggered or defensive anymore. Healing is a process, a spiral, a mountain, a rugged road with detours galore, not a linear experience. It's a lifelong adventure of continually healing and growing and having setbacks and exploring new ways of wrestling with ideas and experiences. Thinking you were “done” with something and then it rears it’s head. And if you know that there is no finish line, after a while you can just chuckle at yourself for thinking there was. What IS true is that we become more resilient, more able to respond to stressful situations with presence and voice and the appropriate ability to confront or leave a situation that is harmful. Including naming when you make a mistake.
Myth #2: Once you’re healed, you’ll be truly happy and free. The end.
Nope. There is no finish line to doing personal healing work or anti-racist work. The end. Haha. But there IS something to say for the ways that when we heal and recover from past traumas and when we have a community of care that we are part of to help us move through current pervasive social traumas, we ARE often able to have access to more joy, pleasure, receptivity, and giving. It’s just a myth that once I get to the finish line I will never have a hard time again. It's a 100% valid desire though, especially when you’ve been suffering for years on end and you really need some relief, like sometimes (especially with physical pain or chronic illness) when I imagine a finish line it actually helps me keep going. That particular strategy is not what I’m speaking to here though. Try not to subscribe to the myth because it’ll keep you seeking something that doesn’t exist and that can bring the belief that “If I am (however many decades) old and I’m still not there then I must be doing it wrong. Aaaand then more shame. Don’t take the bait! The systems of supremacy that mold us are not about supporting us in our healing.
#3: Healing is a beautiful, gentle experience lined with cupcakes and rainbows and in a few sessions/years, you’ll be good.
Nope. It’s hard and painful and confusing and beautiful and mind blowing and exhausting and there are so many rewards and also some setbacks. Messy, raw, joyful, scary, full of unknowns, and vulnerability- just like various kinds of birth. And yes, lots of rewards. This is one of those things that you can understand with your mind but until you get it in your body, it won’t really click. But also YES those cupcakes might start to feel like deep soul-nourishment and you realize those rainbows are actually coming from inside your soul :-)
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